Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
