the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
