jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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