Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
