She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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