We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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