i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
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