Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
