He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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