i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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