Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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