we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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