I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
