The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
