i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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