if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
