I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
