I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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