At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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