we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
