Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
