I think my fart just growled at me.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
