Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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