took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
