my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
