He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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