Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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