I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
