I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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