Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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