saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
