Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
