I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
handjob tips. give me some.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
