Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
