then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
