What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
