Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize