he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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