Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize