Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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