I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
