Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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