Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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