Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
