the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize