you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
