i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
