You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
