It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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