Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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