Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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