i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
