Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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