I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
