I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
