My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
