I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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