is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
