Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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