If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I want her autograph on my taint
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
