Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
