I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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