you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
