I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
